Trying to take Jaxon places is becoming a struggle.
He’s become so stubborn and independent that he won’t let me do anything for him even when he physically can’t do it alone.
He no longer wants to sit in his buggy which I can kind of understand as he can walk now but he won’t walk with me and only ever wants to go in the complete opposite direction from where we need to go so it’s becoming a battle to get anywhere. So he has to be on his reins or he would just disappear because this kid will not hold your hand.
He’s outright refusing to listen to me about anything and everything which is becoming more and more irritating if I’m honest. I never thought being ignored by my toddler would piss me off as much as it does but seeing as the little shit can hear me open a bag of chocolate buttons three rooms away but not hear me when I say his name five feet away? Yeah that winds me up.
I know he is what I’m being told is a typical boy toddler who is a little tornado of destruction but it’s becoming harder to handle alone all day. I find myself getting to 3/4pm and wishing it was bedtime for him already so I can sit down and not be moaned at for something.
I’m also sick of getting looks from people when I’m out because he’s having a tantrum. I can’t win.
I either tell him off for being naughty and I get the ‘you evil bitch’ looks or I don’t tell him off for being naughty and I get the ‘useless mother, raising a little shit’ looks. HOW DO YOU WIN WHEN THE WORLD IS SO DAMN JUDGEMENTAL?
It makes me not want to leave the house ever again. Instead of having people give me dirty looks sometimes it would be nice to get a small smile or a little word of encouragement. Having a baby is hard. Having a temperamental, hotheaded toddler is even harder.
Life just seems hard recently and I don’t like being negative. I’m trying to focus on the good in the world but some days that’s just too damn difficult and I let the bad stuff take over. It doesn’t help that I’m starting to feel so isolated and alone, so I’ve stopped trying to tell people how I’m feeling because I really don’t think many people give two shits.
My way of trying to stay positive is spending five minutes at the end of every day to think of as many things as I can that have been good that day or that I am thankful for that day.
Today my list is:
Jaxon had a good nap so I was able to catch up with a friend.
We played at Jaxons cousins house for a couple of hours.
Jaxon ate his lunch nicely for once.
I managed a hot cup of coffee.
I got to snuggle a newborn for a little while.
It didn’t rain on me while I walked today.